Happy Equinox to you all – what does this mean to you?
For me the equinox is a gateway into the divinity of nature – our new growth within and without, that seed of burgeoning life which is my vital sense of self, and which is expressed outwardly in nature becoming softer, opening to the warmth, the new roots deepening and the seeds shooting out of the earth. –
It is the blowing wind of fire, a dragon of awakening, bringing new directions, new visions, new thoughts of life and art, beauty and love.
It is the balance between inner and outer, when the world is at a sense of stasis – the days are equal to the nights, the dark is equal to the light, but there is a new opening in the breath and in my body, which can feel like moistness within, the fertile ground for my newness
It is the time for lovers, for sacred sexual beauty, for art, for creative juices to flow – for the rainbow of merging life to reach and climb the ladder of manifestation, and for ecstasy to be placed as a portal to life – in joy and in balance. This does not mean there are no times of pain, or disharmony, for nature is finding her balance just as we aim to find ours – but our true human nature once again has the opportunity to be fulfilled, to link to our earth, mother gaia, who is always benevolent if we trust, honour and respect her needs : for then we share her growth and her wisdom, and our bodies interrelate to her body, and our being entwines with hers.
This equinox I urge you to go inward to ask your body, linking her or him to mother gaia, what is it you wish to manifest in your life today to reach a greater level of fulfilment, love, service and joy? What seed can you plant at this time which can be supported by the flow of the earth’s juices? How can you water this seed, so that you move beyond your current sense of self to a more flowing, grateful, deeply human life lived in truth and in honouring your being? What will serve your need to be yourself at this time in your life?
This is what I will be doing tomorrow night, when I will be holding another of my beautiful Thursday evenings in Bristol UK – in honour of the work of Opening to the Beloved – we will be honouring our body knowledge, reflecting on the time of the equinox as a beautiful time of deepening to what we truly hold of value in our lives now – we will be reaching for more growth and transformation, finding our fierce love and our true right as human beings at these times of change to find our magnificent self.
May you all find what you seek at this time of the year, and may those in the world who are touching pain and fragility, darkness and despair, feel some sense of comfort for their losses and pain. The earth is truly in a time of change and turbulence, we are all thrown at times in the wind of chaos, and this is the nature of growth and newness – pray with me for a time when we can once again live in harmony and in love with earth and her seasons. .
Today I had a most spectacular New Moon Meditation – if that is what it can be called.
I felt my body on fire – I felt my energy expand beyond belief- I felt a flow of such joyous and vibrant energy it was hard to contain it – in fact I moved, and danced a little, as is my way – I felt light and dark, colour and formless, embodied in a most beautiful grace that is almost beyond words – and I felt I had come home to myself.
And I was told this phrase to share:
The Body is a Portal to the Soul
What does this mean for us? Can we truly touch into our bodies as temples and a guide to our whole sense of mystery, knowing and wholeness? Can our bodies reveal the knowledge and wisdom of our ancestors, and help us find soul in life?
I know how significant this phrase is, for me and many others…….
I have discovered that many of the techniques I was taught over the years for growth, healing, enlightenment etc are simply no longer working for me.
Take meditation for example – I am meant to sit and clear my mind, so that I can reach the light, be mindful, in the present and empty. I am not meant to move, I am not meant to feel my body at all, and I am meant to clear everything of the clutter of my being out. But is this actually what I need? I need the silence, and I need the formlessness, but do I need this structure and this process? No!
I no longer practice zazen, a form of Zen Buddhist meditation I was taught all those years ago. Nor any other form of practice such as the mantra practice, though mantras are beautiful. I no longer deny my body in this mystery of cleansing and clearing. NO, I breathe into my body and allow my inner self to take me wherever I need to go. This may include moving, breathing, thinking words, feeling emotions, seeing visions, it may even be the clear light of the soul within. It is whatever my body shows me it needs. This is my soul talking.
Take shamanic practice, something else I was ‘taught’ almost thirty years ago and still love deeply – I was shown how to drum, using the pace of the heart beat, to rattle with abandon, to use a singing bowl, or use other accessories. Anything that allowed my body to reach a trance like state was acceptable, as this was seen as the way to reach and ‘journey’ into non-ordinary reality in order to affect healing. Powerful techniques yes, and occasionally they still work! – but I simply do not need them as a structure – my body is the portal into this non-ordinary reality. If I wish to go there, she shows me where to go, who to meet, which energies to connect with, how to touch the deep divinity within the layers of my flesh. I may be called to use these techniques if my body wants this, but only then. This is the knowledge I have been hiding most of my adult life – that my body knows best.
Take channelling – I was taught to travel into an inner landscape, in visualisation, in silence and sitting, upto a mountain where I would find a sacred space to meet a teacher or guide. This being would give me the guidance I could then share with the world, wise words given for specific requests or for healing aims – But I do none of these things – I simply close my eyes, clear my body, allow myself to listen intently for a calling, for anything in my inner senses that resonate, and the words simply float into my being. If I am with another, offering healing or similar, the words, thoughts, feelings, sensations and images are always relevant for them. If I am alone, they are relevant to me. I never call this channelling now as it is my inner body talking to me. My body knows. I may have guides or I may not, but they come just however they want, and it is often my inner wisdom talking! My body….
There are many other examples of how my beautiful body, whose wisdom was neglected for much of my life, is the true teacher of my growth. Even when i undertook yoga, doing asanas, breathing practices and lying out to feel the breath, I could feel that my true self wanted to follow a different flow – to move, to shake, to feel, to speak, and even yes to make love. My sexual energy was awakened at times in this exploration, the deepest and most beautiful form of energy which is of course the source of life. I could not easily follow a system which appeared to rigidly make shapes, exercises and breathing styles alien to my body. But I was ashamed to admit this to my teachers and others, who all seemed to gain such deep satisfaction from these practices. So I attempted to deny my body her wisdom again, and again, and again.
Now I am listening. This meditation, if that is what it is called, is telling me the time is now, that to listen to my body is my way. Never again will I follow a system which is not aligned to my body. And I am not alone.
I am not alone. There is a movement of women all over the world beginning to wake up to this new system of growth and evolution which involves listening deeply to our bodies. And of course men too are listening, though I do feel these new forms bring in the feminine way finally. There are new yoga practices, new dance styles, new spiritual movement and sound healings, emerging daily. New feminine styles of spiritual and evolutionary growth are becoming ready to awaken our bodies. Now, every time I hear of a new technique I will ask my body ‘ Does it recognise my inner wisdom, my body knowledge?’ and listen closely to the answer.
So my meditation, this evening, has finally given me the validation of my own being, rather than seek it outside myself and outside of my own body. I am body, soul, psyche in one, and all my practices are now aligned to learning my own deep wisdoms. It is time.
Our bodies are the portal to our souls. Try it tonight!
Today, and for the past few days I have been in solitary retreat on what I will call a healing crisis.
At first this was not by choice…this is often the way when life becomes too busy. My body had been calling me home for a week or two but I had ignored it. I had continued in my normal life, with some regular ongoing meditations but with extra demands. Sometimes I find it hard to say no! Particularly when part of my life is based on service through therapy, healing and supervision. So after a most beautiful evening of sacred experience at my ecstatic dance group, which took me to a deep light-filled place of union and open heart, I became mildly ill with a sore throat and fever. During the dance I had felt on fire, soft and sparky, healing and being healed, touching and connecting heart to heart with every being there. Together we felt harmonized, enriched, rainbowed with our souls purpose pouring out of us. It had been a special night for all of us, and for me it was almost an initiation into my body and soul and heart becoming aligned. This triggered something…
When I woke up in the morning, my world had changed, and I needed to be still. I resisted for one day, and then I surrendered. I needed to balance the movements, the dancing, the life of service, with some time of ‘being’.
Yes I surrendered, cancelled the whole week, withdrew into myself and have allowed my body to show me the path, all week, to where I need to go, to truly live my life of flow and purpose. I surrendered to this need to just be, remaining ill but able to go within, to hold the seeds of my being which are the very depth of my true self, showing me how to live and honour my loving self now.
Today, four days on, during which I have moved through various stages of inwardness, realisations, letting go of feelings, writings, creating, being, much crying, some laughing, much stillness, little moving…. I experienced a glorious meditation journey. I entered my inner landscape…during which I was in a waterfall facing the final stage of the deepest grief I hold. I moved beyond a cascading shower of cold bright water into a crack in a cliff-side . I allowed my grief to pour through me till I was ready to move beyond it into pure glory and light. I found the pathway into the earth through that crack in the stone, and this magical journey led me to many realisations and jewels of the heart.
I surrendered to this experience, allowing myself to feel in my heart, mind, body and soul, aligned to the lessons my body was telling me. My meditation was felt in all parts of my being, my emotions, my physical self, my spiritual self, my psychological self. I surrendered to my needs. I had no plan, no outcome, just a need to experience.
Had I not surrendered, I would not have finally reached the place of light in my meditation which is almost indescribable in its magnificence. An ancient temple imbued with life, love, longing, truth, golden heart-bathed sacredness. I was cleansed and cleared from this time of surrender. I gave myself the space to follow my body’s knowing to a point where I am ready again to emerge. I will integrate my lessons, realisations, reflections and more into my everyday life as I go once again about my life’s business. And I will continue to acknowledge my body’s messages to me when I need them.
By surrendering to our body’s wisdom, we learn how it can lead us, show us how to live, reveal what is important in our lives, enable emotions and thoughts to be released or harmonized, gifts are revealed, we honour the rhythms of our own body, of the earth’s cycles and we balance our need for both ‘doing’ and ‘being’. From surrender to being comes creative life cycles, new visions, new growth needing to be followed up. Our normal everyday life is forever focused on ‘doing, working, playing, eating, sleeping’…. so the being part can become lost. Our body knows this and, if we listen, it can become our guide, leading us to a sense of harmony and understanding which places both aspects in their rightful place.
I recommend surrendering at least twenty minutes every day! Find a peaceful place where you will not be disturbed, enter quietly within, relax and tune into your body, allow it to tell you whatever you need to know. Have no agenda, no need for an outcome, simply check out what you need to surrender to, breathing into yourself, feeling, recharging, perhaps visioning if that is your way, allowing any emotions, sensations…and just be! You may be surprised what your body reveals to you!
The true masculine is awakening, the true divine masculine which has been lost and forgotten, hidden behind aggression, fear, abuse, armour, lack of feelings, lack of respect, control and more. Men are waking up to their true being as a mirror of the divine masculine power, gentle yet focused, nurturing and strong, embracing and supportive while also holding to material well being. The true masculine is perceptive, open hearted and wise, while knowing there are lessons to be learnt of using power gracefully and humbly. Women are placing their inner divine masculine into a more rightful place in their hearts, moving beyond the fear of past abuses.
It is now time for us to place the masculine in its rightful place in our lives both within ourselves and in our being.
For many years I have been learning about the masculine side of life, both within myself and without. This began in my family, continued after a separation of my past partner twenty years ago and has culminated in my current life’s enquiry of the Beloved. We are all learning to balance our family’s messages with our own newly emerging wholeness, whether as male or female.
My family message as a female was simple – do not trust men, they are like children, to be undermined; do not allow them power, mentally ‘castrate’ them, and remain cautious, as they will abuse and use you if you let them in. Retreat from anger, and do not engage with your own anger, as it is dangerous. Face them with fear…….. A powerful negative message indeed.
Growing up, I felt more like a man inside than a woman, despite having a beautiful woman’s body,and a gentle loving nature. I wanted to be successful, I wanted ambition, I explored sexuality and avoided true intimacy. I was not very integrated. My inner masculine was wounded and influenced by by family patterns, by some experiences which mirrored this and by my past life memories held in the ancestral vortex all women hold.
This all changed when I finally had a child, something I had always wanted. She was my gift to finally accept wholeness.
From this time on I explored how I could develop my whole new loving self to include my inner masculine and have this reflected in a healthy relationship to the outer masculine in my life. My female self blossomed as my inner masculine healed, my mothering, feminine, powerful priestess and healer self finally given rightful place in my life. However, I was still surrounded mainly by women, my clients were women, my close friends all women for many years.
Finally, after a partnership lasting a few years, which held a mirror up to both my growth and lessons for my own inner masculine, I divorced myself from this history. I began to heal my inner masculine totally. I went through a divorce ceremony within to let go of these ancestral patterns. I recognised the last of the sabotaging patterns which had affected this partnership and worked hard to love all of myself. My inner masculine became more and more whole and strong, as I spent many years, enquiring, healing, deepening and balancing.
I knew I was ready to emerge as an awakened woman when I found more men than women were turning to me for my healings and therapies. I was ready to accept my inner masculine as a beautiful, grounded, loving focusing influence on my life and this was reflected in my availability to support outer men in this work.
At this time I moved home, I changed life situation, I met my current beloved partner and I opened to new possibilities.
Letting go of my need to live in the more masculine world of working for others, of needing an outer ‘identity’ as service co-ordinator’ or similar, I fully embraced my true healer/seer/teacher/ priestess self. My inner masculine no longer had control of me. I had given him a new voice within, one which gave him honour for his values of focus, earthiness including material wealth, shiva consciousness in my spiritual and sexual life, and support. I acknowledged within his vital part in my life and I celebrated .
Now I am able to embrace a whole loving masculine within and without. Now many men come to me as well as women, for healing, support, and teachings and I am honoured to be available for this. Now I am flowing in my female priestess self while knowing my inner beloved divine masculine has his powerful, whole loving and grounded self within me, supporting and guiding. Now I am integrated.
I am amazed at what I missed all those years ago – the masculine as beautiful, strong, powerful yet sensitive, guiding yet respectful, sexually alive and honouring of the goddess and god within us all. My family was never able to appreciate this truth.
The true masculine is awakening, the true divine masculine which has been lost and forgotten, hidden behind aggression, fear, abuse, armour, lack of feelings, lack of respect, control and more. All these I have faced, all these are dissolving now, as we place the masculine in its rightful place in our lives.
If you are drawn to come on this journey with me, whether you are facing your inner divine masculine or your outer divine masculine, contact me. I support your willingness to enable a full recognition of the opening to the beloved, by discovering how your inner and outer masculine self can reach awakening and wholeness. Together we can create ceremonies to release the past patterns, to face any ancestral bones of the history we carry and move through to a glorious sense of aliveness. We are all ready.