Today, and for the past few days I have been in solitary retreat on what I will call a healing crisis.
At first this was not by choice…this is often the way when life becomes too busy. My body had been calling me home for a week or two but I had ignored it. I had continued in my normal life, with some regular ongoing meditations but with extra demands. Sometimes I find it hard to say no! Particularly when part of my life is based on service through therapy, healing and supervision. So after a most beautiful evening of sacred experience at my ecstatic dance group, which took me to a deep light-filled place of union and open heart, I became mildly ill with a sore throat and fever. During the dance I had felt on fire, soft and sparky, healing and being healed, touching and connecting heart to heart with every being there. Together we felt harmonized, enriched, rainbowed with our souls purpose pouring out of us. It had been a special night for all of us, and for me it was almost an initiation into my body and soul and heart becoming aligned. This triggered something…
When I woke up in the morning, my world had changed, and I needed to be still. I resisted for one day, and then I surrendered. I needed to balance the movements, the dancing, the life of service, with some time of ‘being’.
Yes I surrendered, cancelled the whole week, withdrew into myself and have allowed my body to show me the path, all week, to where I need to go, to truly live my life of flow and purpose. I surrendered to this need to just be, remaining ill but able to go within, to hold the seeds of my being which are the very depth of my true self, showing me how to live and honour my loving self now.
Today, four days on, during which I have moved through various stages of inwardness, realisations, letting go of feelings, writings, creating, being, much crying, some laughing, much stillness, little moving…. I experienced a glorious meditation journey. I entered my inner landscape…during which I was in a waterfall facing the final stage of the deepest grief I hold. I moved beyond a cascading shower of cold bright water into a crack in a cliff-side . I allowed my grief to pour through me till I was ready to move beyond it into pure glory and light. I found the pathway into the earth through that crack in the stone, and this magical journey led me to many realisations and jewels of the heart.
I surrendered to this experience, allowing myself to feel in my heart, mind, body and soul, aligned to the lessons my body was telling me. My meditation was felt in all parts of my being, my emotions, my physical self, my spiritual self, my psychological self. I surrendered to my needs. I had no plan, no outcome, just a need to experience.
Had I not surrendered, I would not have finally reached the place of light in my meditation which is almost indescribable in its magnificence. An ancient temple imbued with life, love, longing, truth, golden heart-bathed sacredness. I was cleansed and cleared from this time of surrender. I gave myself the space to follow my body’s knowing to a point where I am ready again to emerge. I will integrate my lessons, realisations, reflections and more into my everyday life as I go once again about my life’s business. And I will continue to acknowledge my body’s messages to me when I need them.
By surrendering to our body’s wisdom, we learn how it can lead us, show us how to live, reveal what is important in our lives, enable emotions and thoughts to be released or harmonized, gifts are revealed, we honour the rhythms of our own body, of the earth’s cycles and we balance our need for both ‘doing’ and ‘being’. From surrender to being comes creative life cycles, new visions, new growth needing to be followed up. Our normal everyday life is forever focused on ‘doing, working, playing, eating, sleeping’…. so the being part can become lost. Our body knows this and, if we listen, it can become our guide, leading us to a sense of harmony and understanding which places both aspects in their rightful place.
I recommend surrendering at least twenty minutes every day! Find a peaceful place where you will not be disturbed, enter quietly within, relax and tune into your body, allow it to tell you whatever you need to know. Have no agenda, no need for an outcome, simply check out what you need to surrender to, breathing into yourself, feeling, recharging, perhaps visioning if that is your way, allowing any emotions, sensations…and just be! You may be surprised what your body reveals to you!